My Prodigal Nephew
by Anopy
Summary: Mihawk goes mad babysitting too many kids. (Utter Nonsense)


**If Everyone Was Related To Everyone and so on...**

 **A/N Warning :** Utter Nonsense. **  
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Note : Nonsensical family tree of sorts. Partly based on odd resemblances in features. Rest are inspired off conjectures and plain nothing. (Lord bless the creator!) And Mihawk shall curse them all!

Mainly, sheer nonsense with semi- to full- OOCness. Random story.

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 **M** _y_ _**P** rodigal **N** ephew_

"What are you doing!?"

A surly blue haired boy stuck his tongue out at the greatest swordsman on this earth. Yeah, the same greatest swordsman who at that moment was holding apart two little kids fighting with an intensity to kill and had on his back strapped a baby bear.

This was supposed to be practice. Sword-fighting, a sacred art. Kendo, fencing, freestyle – Law knew them. Yet, at this moment he was executing motions something like fencing aimed at Lami's door and yelling 'injection shot!'. And all morning he'd been cocking a brow at Mihawk every time he was reprimanded, following for a few steps and then back to fooling around with weird attacks.

The blue haired boy, his nephew-his prodigious prodigal nephew Law was trying to get on his nerves. Mihawk knew that. This was the great adolescent rebellious stage his brother had warned him about before going off on that fatal around-the-world spree with his wife a few months ago.

His niece, Lami had been born weak, with an incurable illness for which they'd ventured to find a cure. Unfortunately that was not to be and now his little Lami lay prone in her bed all day, not quite ill but trying to be, hoping they'd come back. For the first two weeks Mihawk indulged her and perhaps that was his mistake. She was really looking ill now though the doctor coldly stated she could as well be running around if she had the will.

Mihawk still remembered his brother Dracule Meabat and his wife Countessa laughing and telling him how much a dear he was for agreeing to babysit Law and his sister Lami. Just a few weeks and we'll be back they'd said. Those kids had seemed so sweet and polite and angelic. Ok, not Law.

Well, Law was always a little creepy. Even to him, although his brother insisted that Law was just like him when he was a child. Well, most of Law's mannerisms were similar to Mihawk but...that creepiness...? He'd searched through all their family trees and even reached the Vhamphyric cousin's files but nowhere could he find such traits. He did find strange formulae to raise the dead though. Well, if he _could_ raise that army of undead he definitely would-just please someone else take care of these kids!

He could guess that probably half the reason for Law's behavior was the sudden disappearance of his parents. Law, the way he sulked, probably thought they'd abandoned them. But no matter how old Law pretended he was, Mihawk could not find a way to tell him of the manner of his parent's demise. They were messengers, er...ex-messengers of the World Government who used to tell the Warlords of the deal. Though they'd been on vacation they'd been contacted on an emergency basis to notify Crocodile in Alabasta but had unfortunately been reported in WG circles as deceased : eaten by a crocodile and the charred remains of all three dragged back by Doflamingo.

Just a week after the tragedy Mihawk's acquaintance from Shimotsuki village, Koshiro had brought around two of his children begging Mihawk to hide them before disappearing mysteriously. Mihawk had got even less out of the children - Kuina and Zoro - only a few vague guesses at the two kid's maybe having slashed some weird haired guys fishbowl or something when they were told to clear the way. Tenryuubito...? Nah!

They were quite good. With swords, of course and even he saw potential in their proclamation that they'd take his title one day. Only, recently Kuina, the better of the two began reminiscing about her parent's conversation. Well, Mihawk did tell her there were some pretty formidable women out there but the subject had become too touchy and so they dropped it.

Right now they were fighting as Zoro had lost for the n-th time and this time with three swords! Mihawk wanted to tell him to up his game but he'd need Kuina out of earshot. And Law was not cooperating at all.

"You may be great now but just you wait, I'll be the number one swordsMan someday!"

"Eh!", Mihawk was brought back from his tired jumbled thoughts by Zoro's proclamation. Law had also winced and presently had covered his head in his hands.

As anticipated, the girl began sobbing uncontrollably,"Zo..ro. How...hic co..uld you!? Juz coz I'm a..I'm a hic GIRL!"

And here she burst into tears and ran upstairs before anyone could react and shut her room.

"Kuina?!", Zoro called out tentatively wondering whether or not to follow her up when Law caught him by the sleeve and dragged him to the kitchen saying, "Leave her alone. Let's have some onigiri."

Mihawk let out a long sigh and headed to his liquor cabinet. He made a mental note of telling the Humandrill to keep only umeboshi stuffing for a while. Law needed some strictness.

His cabinet had an odd aura about it. Even from far he knew it was too good for it to have survived the children. There was a smell-a smell he knew from somewhere. It had something to do with his surgeon of a brother. Despite all his senses warning him he pulls out a bottle to sooth his aching head. And he let it drop-almost. There floating in it was a neatly stitched up frog. Opening the cabinet brought the stench of formaldehyde and rotting animals clearly while also showing him that dearest law had spared not a bottle nor glass - eyeballs, mice, insects, live tadpoles, and also everything was precisely labelled!

"I can't take this anymore!",wailed Mihawk, grabbing his carefully gelled hair and almost tearing them out. He certainly did not sense Moriah approaching.

"Oi, oi. Mihawk! Stop. Does that mean you won't take this one in?"

"Another...", he wailed at the sight of a tiny girl holding onto the shady fellow warlord's finger. "Why me?"

"Shanks recommended you!"

"Shanks?"

"Yep."

"How do you know Shanks?"

"Well, uh...you know. We're sort of red-haired cousins. Of a sort."

"Your hair is purple", said Mihawk skeptically, looking up and down the...the, er purple flame?

"No it's not! It's actually red. They just color it wrong sometimes..."

"Ehh..?"

"HELLOO~!", yelled the tiny squeaky girl who was sulking due to lack of attention. That sure got her the spotlight.

"I'm pink-haired Perona and I want to stay at this nice spooky transillyvian hotel and coz I've lived with Moriah-sama I can take care of myself!", she ended with a huff.

"Ok.", said Mihawk with the ghost of a whisper, turning around to go hide somewhere.

"BEAR-KUB!", came a massive yell and like a log of timber Mihawk fell flat on his face with the girl hugging her bundle of joy.

"I want to shrivel into an earthworm and get squelched by the late bird..I'm ashamed of being alive!", sobbed Mihawk, humiliated.

"What are you doing to my Bepo?!", came a rather frantic voice.

The pink haired girl though didn't acknowledge their presence. Zoro took one look at Law's maniacal expression and the tightened grip on his dagger and deciding he didn't quite like his mochi ice-cream that looked like 'marimo' he very kindly said, "Hey girlie, would you like some ice-cream?"

"ICE-CREAM!"

Three shrieking witches or banshees appeared out of nowhere.

The moping Lami had sprung out of her sick-bed, Kuina slammed open the door which was flung off its hinges and Perona had completely abandoned Bepo and the grovelling worm underneath her.

All would've been well except Kuina fell. Fell tumbling down a thousand and one stairs.

Lami shrieked and Perona shrieked and Moriah cleaned his ears. Mihawk was still seeped in sorrow.

Around her still body Zoro sobbed while the marimo-ice-cream melted in his hand.

Law sat beside her, put two fingers to her throat and then her wrist, gingerly lifted her head, rotated her head a little and wiping a non-existant sweat bead off his forehead proclaimed, "Stop being embarrassing Zoro. It's just a scratch. A few stitches and a little rest-she'll be fine."

"And no challenges. Or she'll die.", he added a little sinisterly, looking straight at the now smiling Zoro.

As he was doing the stitches a dismembered voice started giving him instructions, spooking everyone but Law out.

"Law",asks Zoro warily, "who is that?"

"Oh. That's just dad.", says Law.

"DAD!?", he yells happily a second later turning around to look at a vegan fruit-bat hanging from the bannisters.

"Meebat...!", comes the feeble voice of Mihawk, aided by his sobs.

"Meabat...so you weren't eaten by Crcodile?"

His brother and sister-in-law presently transformed back and hanging upside down from the bannisters smiled gently at him.

Later when they'd tucked everybody in, including Mihawk, who presently sat on a sofa by the fireplace with a hot water bottle and all tucked in a blanket and sipping hot cocoa, they told him of their travels.

Since Lami was getting worse, they'd thought best to find some-something themselves. Well that and other medical stuff Mihawk could care less about. Long story short-doflamingo was chasing Crocodile and his brother, the Raven-rocci guy whom his siblings had come to adore had tripped and set an entire desert on fire(if that was possible) and Crocodile's bananas has gotten burned to crisp in his pet-wani's jaws looking enough like dead bats to garner such rumors. Well, to his utter non-surprise they'd invited that Rocci guy over. And on second thought told him to bring his brother and Crocodile along as well.

Whatever.

They came back. They'd found Lami's cure. They'd cured her.

And they told Mihawk to take as long a time off and vacation as he wanted and they'd look after the children.

"We just love children, don't we dear?", his Batty brother states.

"Of course. After all, their blood is just so sweet", Countessa finishes.

She wipes something red from the corner of her mouth. The something red Mihawk had assumed to be lipstick. She was smiling so angelically at him. He shivered and gulped. He knew exactly where Law got the creepiness from now.

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 **AN :** Me hawk, you sane.

Above line indicates just _why_ I probably deleted it.

Strangely, going through my drafts I almost tossed it out again, like the crazy story I was trying to put it into but deleted(sorry o people who'd liked it)...it was a lil embarrassing. But I do want to put it up again, rules or none. Won't delete it this time...just stay here and get whacked!


End file.
